Whatever this is....

So today I would like to talk about how difficult it is to be in a different country and the dilemmas that I'm facing.

Before I start "ranting" I would just like to point out that I'm having an overall great time. Its just hard sometimes because I feel like a new environment is forcing me to change who I am and what I'm comfortable with.  But I'll try to be as accurate as I can with as little bias since these are somewhat sensitive issues.  

First, I find it extremely frustrating when I start to talk to someone in Spanish and they reply to me in English, even though I know that I look American. A friend and I were talking about this recently and he brought up a good point: in the US, if I saw a person who looked Mexican, Chinese or Indian I wouldn't go up to him and say "Hi" in his language because, for all I know, he could be American and just his ancestors were not born in the US.  So, I try asking ppl to speak Spanish with me, which leads to asking them to slow down. Because once I ask them to speak Spanish, they start speaking much faster, running their words together. 

Secondly, I find that I'm being asked, and asking myself to be more outgoing, which is quite difficult.  Now for those who know me at Quaker events, you know that I'm quite the extrovert there.  At other events, I'm not someone who introduces myself to everyone. Sometimes I prefer to sit down and relax by myself or be somewhat anti-social when I'm with a big group of people who I don't know.  Its feels really weird to be putting myself out there so much. ( yes I am related to my my Dad, the introvert but I'm also related to my Mom, the extrovert).   So its been rather difficult to keep pushing myself to go up to random people and start conversations to improve my Spanish cause that's just not my natural style. 

Finally about understanding Spanish, I don't think many people know how difficult it is to listen to a new language when you don't understand all of it.  I'm forced to pay attention the entire time and not zone out like I do in classes.  It's easy for me in English to just miss a part and then jump right back into whatever was said and understand the whole conversation.  Well this is virtually impossible in Spanish because the second I loose the conversation its hard to jump back in. I think it will work itself out, eventually.  I know that I space out semi-often and I have trouble hearing what ppl are saying to me. Sometimes I just plain don't hear what they said (maybe its cause I'm a drummer idk -insert drummer joke-).   But here its different because when I don't hear them at first or I missed what they said (cause I zoned out ) I get the feeling that they just think, "Oh he's an American who doesn't speak Spanish very well." Honestly, that is the most frustrating part. I feel misunderstood even when I'm making the effort to learn. Then, when I do speak Spanish, they don't always understand me, partly because of

my accent and partly because I don't know the right words.

 And God forbid I would ever be tired and not want to talk in a foreign language all day. You know, it can be really exhausting. So, just be prepared to need to"escape" into your own language when you first try to live in a foreign culture.